08-25-2015, 11:49 PM
Thank you to those who offered feedback on the first poem. It has been very helpful. This is the second. It is the original but I will use the feedback from the first to tweak this as well.
The first stanza is about roll your own tobacco that uses local language. I smoked rum flavoured Port Royal brand and used slim, Crown filters.
The Blue Lady 2
A pinch of dry crumbs hide in the corners
Fingering slim crowns as I dig
A Port Royal breath
Blows breezily over the ridge
Crispy curled papers do me no favours
But the sweet smell of rum I savor
Bright blue lady comes into view. Rippling. Rising. Falling.
She knows my name. I’ve heard her calling
Pockets of hooks jingle their jangles
I sit and watch her exposed, as my rod limply dangles.
Descending between her breasts in the hope of false safety
The veering ebb disrobes her. But no need to be hasty
Nil rest for the lonely lady.
Morning noon nor night
Not a blink. Not a yielding yawn in sight
Every second is slumberless
With her children beneath her numberless
They see me
They flay about trying to flee me.
Open eyes without see
As I slit their smiling throats so happily
Into the sack, and home for tea
Blood curdling gurgles and dead eyes glazed
At the taste of their flesh I’m always amazed
But blue lady sees me.
My back is turned
And great love for me she has always yearned
I disrespect and forget her power
She is angry now and will not cower
A strong young boy is hard to resist
Really, I must leave, I must insist
Scheming brine, chary swells
Her anger rises at the sight of me leaving
But she’s had enough. There’ll be no more grieving.
I hear her coming.
I know she’s there
Then feel her breath streaming through my hair
Her words are salty.
Her lips are cold.
Respect the lady, I was always told
My grandfather’s words run through my head
“Never turn your back on her, lad”
“She has taken me, and men before
Into her bed forever more”
The cold light fades. My arms stretch wide
There’s no use struggling
Water inside.
She pulls me down into her lair
Holding me tight, it’s just not fair
Too weak to breathe, too weak to cry
A lonely blank stare
As her children swim by
The first stanza is about roll your own tobacco that uses local language. I smoked rum flavoured Port Royal brand and used slim, Crown filters.
The Blue Lady 2
A pinch of dry crumbs hide in the corners
Fingering slim crowns as I dig
A Port Royal breath
Blows breezily over the ridge
Crispy curled papers do me no favours
But the sweet smell of rum I savor
Bright blue lady comes into view. Rippling. Rising. Falling.
She knows my name. I’ve heard her calling
Pockets of hooks jingle their jangles
I sit and watch her exposed, as my rod limply dangles.
Descending between her breasts in the hope of false safety
The veering ebb disrobes her. But no need to be hasty
Nil rest for the lonely lady.
Morning noon nor night
Not a blink. Not a yielding yawn in sight
Every second is slumberless
With her children beneath her numberless
They see me
They flay about trying to flee me.
Open eyes without see
As I slit their smiling throats so happily
Into the sack, and home for tea
Blood curdling gurgles and dead eyes glazed
At the taste of their flesh I’m always amazed
But blue lady sees me.
My back is turned
And great love for me she has always yearned
I disrespect and forget her power
She is angry now and will not cower
A strong young boy is hard to resist
Really, I must leave, I must insist
Scheming brine, chary swells
Her anger rises at the sight of me leaving
But she’s had enough. There’ll be no more grieving.
I hear her coming.
I know she’s there
Then feel her breath streaming through my hair
Her words are salty.
Her lips are cold.
Respect the lady, I was always told
My grandfather’s words run through my head
“Never turn your back on her, lad”
“She has taken me, and men before
Into her bed forever more”
The cold light fades. My arms stretch wide
There’s no use struggling
Water inside.
She pulls me down into her lair
Holding me tight, it’s just not fair
Too weak to breathe, too weak to cry
A lonely blank stare
As her children swim by