08-25-2015, 03:13 PM
Hi Leanne
Thanks so much for your feedback. I have given the poem a bit of a tweaking. My poor poems (all 3 of them) do suffer from having every line having to rhyme, but I am trying to remedy this somewhat.
Blue Lady 1
Morning sunlight peeps through the drapes.
Grass and trees sparkle with dew.
The rustic bach needs some paint.
But today I won’t rush, tomorrow I promise
I’ll give her the brush.
Roar of blue lady is flung through the air.
I walk down to see her, with feet bare.
A thunderous crack, angelic hush
Her brume on my lips, her scent in my nose
happily feeling her grain between toes.
I think it sounds a lot better than the original.
Thanks so much for your feedback. I have given the poem a bit of a tweaking. My poor poems (all 3 of them) do suffer from having every line having to rhyme, but I am trying to remedy this somewhat.
Blue Lady 1
Morning sunlight peeps through the drapes.
Grass and trees sparkle with dew.
The rustic bach needs some paint.
But today I won’t rush, tomorrow I promise
I’ll give her the brush.
Roar of blue lady is flung through the air.
I walk down to see her, with feet bare.
A thunderous crack, angelic hush
Her brume on my lips, her scent in my nose
happily feeling her grain between toes.
I think it sounds a lot better than the original.