08-24-2015, 04:42 PM
(08-24-2015, 01:42 PM)Todd Wrote: Hi todd,
good to see your stuff again. I am poor at translation but this one reads like a "My first is in "sound", but not in "motion"..." puzzle and I cannot get out of that frame of mind. Accordingly, the fine point may be lost on me as I just don't see it...where the hell are my glasses...?
What started with sound
has ended in motion. Statemental openers are usually the first step into explanatory territory...you know. "Mary had a litle lamb"...statement. Now, about this lamb . "Its fleece was white as snow AND....."if you get my drift. Not so here. We go "sound" to "motion" to "words", which are sound again. I am struggling.
The words are hyperactive ..but this is a great metaphor which may be core. If so, this could be the opening line...or more to the (my) point, the first sentence would become the last sentence. Just a thought.
children mainlining sugar;
tiny cockroaches scurrying
into the cold darkness
of middle age.