Song of the Buoyant Spirits (Rev. #3)

[peacejazzspirit]

Hiya pjs!
Love this new poem. I love thunderstorms and agree with your poem that they are full of a wild joyful energy.

On a Gloomy Day (title in question)Title could reflect the poem better but I have no suggestions ... The title made me expect a poem about sadness or boredom. So when I read the first line I was imagining people playing games to brighten their "gloomy day" ... I was almost halfway through before I realized it was about a storm.

Crying tears of joy, love this!!! I have always loved the rain, and often thought of it as tears ... But never occurred to make them tears of joy. I just love the optimism of this line.
noise of booming laughter and cheers ring out,
loud roars of freedom and victory
reverberating from sky to ground.
Round and revolving, the mosaic of Earth is cleansed,
rinsed, bathed,
swathed by the entrails of the clouds. this line is not my favorite. "The earth is wrapped in the intestines of the clouds" does not quite mesh with the words of beauty, power, and joy going on around ... Perhaps the earth could be swathed in something a bit less gory ... maybe I'm just being squeamish... I would have put gossamer, but that has quiet connotations ... What's a loud happy material?.
Oust, for a day, the parching sun! love
Thunderstorms are gifts, you see:
rejuvenation at the hands of the stormy sky.I like (and agree with) the sentiment here but I feel like you could say it stronger/better. Play around with it a bit maybe.

Great imagery!!!!
--Quix

Hi Quix,
Thank you so much for your feedback!! What I meant by "swathed by the entrails of the clouds" was the insides, not the intestines, as entrails can just mean the inner parts/contents of; I chose my words there carefully because what I wanted to portray was the intimacy, if you will, between what/who resides on the ground and the forces/happenings in the atmosphere. I will alter the last line as well. And the deception of the title... that was unintentional!