He was last seen…edit0.0000001 john
#13
(08-20-2015, 12:25 AM)tectak Wrote:  Through the salt-cracked, creaking boards,
sea seethes below.
Round the storm-scoured, rust-crust rails
wild west winds blow.

On the tight-turned switch-back swell
a skewed skiff slides,
disappearing in the troughs
of tearing tides.
 
In the dim of dying day
a clay cloud cleaves.  
Sunlight side-slips through the grey;
dread darkness leaves.

On the pier the public peers
to scan the scene.
No one is there, the ocean bare;
he was last seen….

tectak2015 tongueincheek Lingua in maxillam
Hi Tectak - just wanted to say two things about this piece. One is that the use of hyphens works well in showing the see-saw rhythm of the boat on the waves. The other is that wild west winds bugs me a bit because I'm picturing the Wild West- as in Indians firing arrows at the boat. However, nothing wrong with that (!) as it could be just me. I enjoyed the read of this, thanks. Grace.
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Messages In This Thread
He was last seen…edit0.0000001 john - by tectak - 08-20-2015, 12:25 AM
RE: He was last seen… - by peacejazzspirit - 08-20-2015, 12:13 PM
RE: He was last seen… - by tectak - 08-20-2015, 04:45 PM
RE: He was last seen… - by tectak - 08-20-2015, 04:49 PM
RE: He was last seen… - by Quixilated - 08-20-2015, 12:24 PM
RE: He was last seen… - by John - 08-20-2015, 04:46 PM
RE: He was last seen…edit0.0000001 john - by Grace - 08-22-2015, 11:15 PM



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