08-21-2015, 11:42 PM
Dang Tom-
I went crazy subtracting and cut the Silver Cord, which is an important metaphysical element, I suppose. "Taught" vs "taut" is my spell check error, as the original contains the word written as "taut".
I could un-cut the Cord, but it ain't my poem, and I've already taken too many liberties.
Anywho, the general crit is to remove enough words to let this one sing.
What I really want to see is your revision, my friend. Please understand I do no crit with fore thought of malice, unless I'm just a prick at heart (and that could be possible).
All that said, since I like this piece very much, I want to like it more.
ya da, ya da, you know what I mean,
... Mark
[/quote]
...but Mark, where is my Silver Cord? It is "taut" as tight not "taught" as learned
Best,
tectak
[/quote]
I went crazy subtracting and cut the Silver Cord, which is an important metaphysical element, I suppose. "Taught" vs "taut" is my spell check error, as the original contains the word written as "taut".
I could un-cut the Cord, but it ain't my poem, and I've already taken too many liberties.
Anywho, the general crit is to remove enough words to let this one sing.
What I really want to see is your revision, my friend. Please understand I do no crit with fore thought of malice, unless I'm just a prick at heart (and that could be possible).
All that said, since I like this piece very much, I want to like it more.
ya da, ya da, you know what I mean,
... Mark
[/quote]
...but Mark, where is my Silver Cord? It is "taut" as tight not "taught" as learned
Best,
tectak
[/quote]