He was last seen…edit0.0000001 john

[tectak]

Hey Tom-

Since you've got this one in MISC, I can see that (as you say) you are stretching a bit to get back into maybe more serious stuff.

I usually do not read all the comments before commenting, but again, this is MISC, so I did...

This one is chock full of sonics, which is a great way to limber up.  

Do the sonics betray the (serious) tone of the poem.  Maybe. I let 'em slide, because the sonics and end tone combine to convey a jaded feel.  And jaded is how many of us react to "the news".  Especially if it's "news" that we hear over and over...  

I think multiple people pointed out the pier/peer thing as a cheap rhyme, and of course, I agree.  Might as well join the scrum.  Nothing limbers the critters better than a good old fashioned piling on in the MISC of things... (OK, I'm through being me, now).

I do think that "appear" can work to resolve the peer/pier thing, esp if read aloud, then "appear" could easily camouflage "peer"...   I saw your response to John on his suggestion, and **my opinion** is that if "appear" can fix the rhyme, then the meter can be fixed, as well, so don't be a crybaby over spilled syllables... .  

Actually, and upon review, it just may sound contrived no matter how you cut it when the public appear upon a pier to peer.  Good thing it's your poem.

Anywho, just my 2 cents, which may not amount to sense.  

... Mark

Hi mark,
I think I should say thank you but I am not sure Where I take some solace is in your observation that it is contrived...er...yes sirree, it most certainly is...though some of the internal rhymes would place the whole thing in the Fun Forum, it would NEVER touch down in Serious. Hell, I would crit it in to crumbs myself. So what is it for? Well, like I said, a stretch and yawn and pedantic porn. I just can't help it
Very best,
tectak