08-20-2015, 05:22 PM
(08-20-2015, 04:49 PM)tectak Wrote: Hi john,Hi, tectak. ... peers to scan... doesn't work. Peer and scan are synonymous - duplication of effort. What about squeezing in appear?
No, yes you are rightThe piece is
but that is no excuse. On the peer/peers thing I am wondering if "On the pier the public peers TO scan the scene" might get me over myself. This syntax change then brings "peers to scan" rather than "public peers". What thinkest thou?
By the by, for a while I considered a duality in the "peers" being a noun, i.e. that the public were felt a dread equality with the victim, but it was a tough contrivance. The piece was written just to stretch and yawn, so no clever stuff
Thanks,
tectak.
On the pier the public appear maintains rhythm, assonance and consonance if you want
and scan the scene.
No one is there, the ocean bare;
he was last seen…. cue local radio station
Just a thought.
A poet who can't make the language sing doesn't start. Hence the shortage of real poems amongst the global planktonic field of duds. - Clive James.