Midnight drive

[fluorescent.43]

Tires rolling down a strip of asphalt, a rather boring opener.
The car gently parts the darkness, your verbs are messed up here, resulting in a comma splice. either end this on a period or change up the sentence structure.
And I, insulated, stare blankly out insulated from what? the night? if so, what's in the night?
Of tinted windows to the stark night. this stanza sounds nice but is devoid of content. basically, the character is sitting in car. the car has windows. it's nighttime. say something.

The sky is empty, but some distance away 'some distance' is vague.
City lights flicker as they swallow up stars. you say the sky is empty-- then how come there are stars to be swallowed? i like the imagery but it could do with some clarification.
"Look upon these, ye mighty, and be dismayed* the grammar in these quotations is messed up. assuming these are two separate quotations from two separate works of literature, what happened to the quotation marks? punctuation?
Oh gods, we need no titans to bring us these flames."** why, why, why do you have asterisks? poetry is not meant to be explained. the quotations detract from the poem in their current form, because there is only the quotation and nothing at all to elaborate (also, two quotations in a row is really jarring). and i don't see what they have to do with the poem-- i want to read what you have to say, not some old book.

I mutter vacantly. The car clutters softly a car does not clutter. it could flutter, twitch, or something. but it definitely does not clutter. also, what are you muttering about? so far you've said a lot and i'm no more enlightened.
Away on its trek upon some track of tar in my opinion, this is a failed attempt to poetically describe a road. don't just describe the road-- describe what it means. introduce an interesting concept and bind it to this car.
That mars a land where [a] perhaps some lofty wordy, wordy. pare it down.
Vagrant once trod to gaze up, alone, at the stars. i'm left feeling a bit empty. i don't know what you're trying to say. also, vagrant already implies alone.

*Ozymandias by Shelly
**Myth of Prometheus

reading this, i get more of a single cluttered, vague image than a sequence of clear, original images. as i read this, i got cars and stars and night and not much else. i feel you are grasping at something good when you mention the swallowing of stars and the marring of land and the vagrant, but it isn't fleshed out in enough detail. i'd like to know who this vagrant is.

in addition, this poem could benefit greatly from a cleaning up of the wordiness that is currently present. choose every word with care-- don't just use it because it sounds original or beautiful. i don't sense a purpose in this poem-- i think it has a lot of potential; it's just buried beneath the words you use to express that. think about what you really wanted to say, then say that succinctly and poetically. but that's just my opinion, and i'm probably not the best person on this subject.

hopefully i've provided some food for thought (take my critique with a heavy dash of salt). good luck if you intend to edit.

43.