Sitting Shiva

[Cousin Kil]

Hi I initially read this poem last night and was really surprised with it and how fresh it seemed and within the first three or four lines I was part of the journey that was being travelled. And yeah it was perhaps slightly disorientating at first but I got there in the end. I would even say that the quick moves in the time frame not only made a second read necessary (a second read is always necessary regardless) but gave it another interesting aspect, like a sense of clarification. Like when you watch 'Fight Club' the second time, it's like a totally different film in some ways.

Also to be honest, I never even noticed that there was a lack of punctuation, which in many ways is odd because it's usually the first thing I would notice about a poem. So it obviously suited the style if I didn't notice.

A couple of moments were very noticeable and I thought added something extra to the characters, but I just wanted to clear up if they were intentional or not because I know that what seems obvious in one culture is not in another (British - American thing). The first one was, is 'the special kid' in the second line the same as the 'retarded kid' later on, and by same I don't mean necessarily the same person but the same as in, did they both have 'learning disabilities'. To me the shift was very telling indeed and effective. From 'special' a not perfectly politically correct term, but passable to 'retarded' a totally unacceptable form in some ways. I ask specifically because I have encountered the fact that Americans don't think that the words 'spaz' or 'spacca' are particularly offensive whereas in Britain they are classed as one of the most offensive things you can call someone with disabilities. But there is a whole cultural and perfectly acceptable reason why we differ over that.
The other point was when the speaker says "for his dad's brother" instead of Uncle, it seemed quite poignant, but then it again it could have been culture or a time jump thing that I missed.

Lastly, honest...   the first two times I read it I was still unaware that 'Sitting Shiva" was a Jewish ritual. I assumed that Shiva was the same Shiva in 'Shiva Shanti' so I appreciate the fact that you noted a connection and included the weed and smoke reference.

Right, honestly I'm finished now,

Cheers for the read, much enjoyed it,

Mark

Hey Mark!

I'm very happy to find this one's had a good effect on you, and I'm especially glad the feel of the poem translated when you read it. Quick movement is the intended motion of a lot of my poetry, as well as how I read my work. I shoot for it to come across "fast and ugly" and am glad to see it has In regards to punctuation, it's usually the last thing I notice and not personally a priority in my writing... It's not so much that I try to abandon it altogether, but rather that I'll be damned to let the hard stop of a period kink up my rhythm.
Apologies to all the passionate punctuators out there, haha
Okay, now for the material itself...
1) For the "special kid" line, yes the retarded kid and special kid are both mentally disabled, and when I wrote the piece I intended for them to be the same person. You hit the nail on the head, cultural filters aside haha
2) "Dad's brother" isn't so much a cultural thing, or at least not intended to be. This poem is a string of moments reset into one ride on the DC metro I took with my best friend for a conference (though we weren't there for a funeral, there had been a handful of deaths/funerals that year, and for one of the services he had travelled by metro with a mutual friend). Before my ride into the city with him, there was a night when he told me how he sat shiva for his "dad's brother" and the process of remembering and the covering of the mirrors and so forth. It was an idiosyncrasy I'd thought I'd include to stay true to the character, plus I appreciated the sonic value of it.
3)Finally, yes the title is in reference to the Jewish tradition, and thanks for noticing the candles

^There's probably some unnecessary background there in No. 2., but I included it to give a little preface to the poem's meaning. The poem is about loss, really. There was a lot of death that year (actually it was this year) and shortly after, my friend left for college. It's about savoring the smoke in a "fast and ugly" read 'cause life goes just as quick. And it's also about remembering.

Sappy I know haha, and I'm really happy you enjoyed it
Thanks,

Cousin

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American here. Yep, retard and spaz are both raw insults here, I had the same impression as you did, a jump from public to private face.

Immediately associating shiva with the mourning ritual Shiva never came to mind, interesting, thanks for that.

To the poem: Interesting read, Cuz, I still trip on car sound and paid up. I never get to the end without seeing the friend as the special kid. I may be going somewhere you didn't intend, I think it's the awkward attempt at dress-up, the lack of connection in dad's brother and the simple but true sum-up of shiva that gets me there, but that's where I am so far.

Thanks for the read, fun.
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Hey Ellajam!

Yup, Mark is dead on about the association with the Jewish Shiva.
Also, "trip" as in it messes with the rhythm? Or does it not help the images well enough?
"Car sound" was there to give a small taste of the Vienna station's atmosphere, it being right on the highway and thats all you can hear. Personally, I felt it paired well with "Capital South", but there could be better options I suppose...
"Paid up" was there for it's brevity because I wanted that sequence to flow quickly. It also describes payment of the ticket upon arrival at Capital South and leads into the ascension motion of the escalator and last lines.

^This is all just to explain my choices, and I'm always interested in hearing suggestions

Finally, the special kid and my friend are intended to be separate, and I'd hoped "we talked about the retarded kid/who'd hardly smash a fly" would clear that up. Didn't mean to take you where you went, but I can see your reasoning.

Glad you found it a good/interesting read!
Cousin