On The Stair, In The Hall

[Cousin Kil]

CK, I've just read this out loud and realized it's one big run on sentence. The line breaks don't necessarily denote pause (well, not for me anyway). Also, does the last line really say what you want to say? Poets tend to use the last line to pack a punch, and if you change the whole meaning...I can't say I know if it's good since I have no idea what you originally intended---get me?

Haha I didn't realize until you pointed it out. I usually read my stuff fast and ugly and pause where it's natural for me- I'll punctuate so it nudges the reader to do so where I want, thanks for pointing out.

On the last line, I'd have to say what it says is accurate and doesn't change the meaning... but reading it, it doesn't hit as hard. And that's the point of the poem, now that I'm thinking of it, to hit hard and make you feel what I felt. I don't think the original line is perfect as of yet but it feels more.
I gotta a fickle head on me, apologies.

CK