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On The Stair, In The Hall
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08-12-2015, 09:30 AM
CK, I've just read this out loud and realized it's one big run on sentence. The line breaks don't necessarily denote pause (well, not for me anyway). Also, does the last line really say what you want to say? Poets tend to use the last line to pack a punch, and if you change the whole meaning...I can't say I know if it's good since I have no idea what you originally intended---get me?
I'll be there in a minute.
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| Messages In This Thread |
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On The Stair, In The Hall - by Cousin Kil - 08-11-2015, 02:14 AM
RE: On The Stair, In The Hall - by Todd - 08-11-2015, 03:17 AM
RE: On The Stair, In The Hall - by Cousin Kil - 08-11-2015, 11:25 AM
RE: On The Stair, In The Hall - by newsclippings - 08-11-2015, 11:30 AM
RE: On The Stair, In The Hall - by Cousin Kil - 08-11-2015, 11:39 AM
RE: On The Stair, In The Hall - by newsclippings - 08-12-2015, 07:02 AM
RE: On The Stair, In The Hall - by Cousin Kil - 08-12-2015, 09:16 AM
RE: On The Stair, In The Hall - by newsclippings - 08-12-2015, 09:30 AM
RE: On The Stair, In The Hall - by Cousin Kil - 08-12-2015, 09:42 AM
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