08-10-2015, 05:38 AM
Okay everyone, I'm ready to put the first revision up. I considered everything that was said, and even if I didn't take the suggestions you all made me think quite a bit about the choices I made.
I addressed the overabundance of similes. Hopefully, the new revision clears this up. CJ (christopher), at first I thought when I read your critique you were saying oh I LIKE this line
. I was thinking: I wonder why. Then I said, oh I'm annoying him with simile. I've turned into a 1983 Valley Girl. Thank you for everyone who pointed that out. I hope I've fixed some of it.
CJ: Thank you for the critique. I appreciate you especially pointing out where the poem starting causing you issues in its wordiness or repetitious likes mentioned above.
Mark: Thank you for your comments. Hopefully, I've redeemed some of the filler parts you called out. The truth is most of my poems start out pretty loose before I start editing--so, in some ways nothing is my best work in early drafts. I'm happy to get the call outs of what works and didn't work for each reader, and I appreciate you caring enough about making the poem better to do just that.
Milo: I'm glad you liked the content and that it connected with you. You gave me some very helpful things to consider. Hopefully, the revision doesn't kill what worked well for you. I very much appreciate the encouragement and mostly the help.
Quix: I'm glad you like fairy tale poems. I do too. I have quite a number of them that I've written over the years. Yes, you saw what I intended. I don't know if I fully addressed your issue with the girl who spoke gems, but maybe I did. I tend to mash certain fairy tales together in my poems. My little red riding hood one mashed in the three little pigs and I had one friend up in arms that I "can't do that to my readers". I was expecting to much, maybe so, but I'm glad you caught the references. Thematically, I wanted them in there. Thank you again.
Grace: I appreciate the comments and the critique. You again helped with some line break decisions and the entire simile thing. Thank you for weighing in and spending the time with the poem.
Mercedes: I weighed your advice heavily, and while all of it may not have appeared in this revision, it may as the poem continues to develop (I'm usually 30-40 revisions on most poems). I appreciated the candor, your engagement in the details, and you helped me get to the next step.
Leanne: I love how you can break into the thematic content. You gave a lot of good advice, but you also have a nice way of expressing the need for ambiguity in poetry. I hope I didn't kill too much of that, but you always remind me that while clarity is good--it can kill a poem. I weighed and used your thoughts to guide the revision.
Whether I lot or a little to any person here, I used the advice all together to take this next step. Thank you all.
Best,
Todd
I addressed the overabundance of similes. Hopefully, the new revision clears this up. CJ (christopher), at first I thought when I read your critique you were saying oh I LIKE this line
. I was thinking: I wonder why. Then I said, oh I'm annoying him with simile. I've turned into a 1983 Valley Girl. Thank you for everyone who pointed that out. I hope I've fixed some of it.CJ: Thank you for the critique. I appreciate you especially pointing out where the poem starting causing you issues in its wordiness or repetitious likes mentioned above.
Mark: Thank you for your comments. Hopefully, I've redeemed some of the filler parts you called out. The truth is most of my poems start out pretty loose before I start editing--so, in some ways nothing is my best work in early drafts. I'm happy to get the call outs of what works and didn't work for each reader, and I appreciate you caring enough about making the poem better to do just that.
Milo: I'm glad you liked the content and that it connected with you. You gave me some very helpful things to consider. Hopefully, the revision doesn't kill what worked well for you. I very much appreciate the encouragement and mostly the help.
Quix: I'm glad you like fairy tale poems. I do too. I have quite a number of them that I've written over the years. Yes, you saw what I intended. I don't know if I fully addressed your issue with the girl who spoke gems, but maybe I did. I tend to mash certain fairy tales together in my poems. My little red riding hood one mashed in the three little pigs and I had one friend up in arms that I "can't do that to my readers". I was expecting to much, maybe so, but I'm glad you caught the references. Thematically, I wanted them in there. Thank you again.
Grace: I appreciate the comments and the critique. You again helped with some line break decisions and the entire simile thing. Thank you for weighing in and spending the time with the poem.
Mercedes: I weighed your advice heavily, and while all of it may not have appeared in this revision, it may as the poem continues to develop (I'm usually 30-40 revisions on most poems). I appreciated the candor, your engagement in the details, and you helped me get to the next step.
Leanne: I love how you can break into the thematic content. You gave a lot of good advice, but you also have a nice way of expressing the need for ambiguity in poetry. I hope I didn't kill too much of that, but you always remind me that while clarity is good--it can kill a poem. I weighed and used your thoughts to guide the revision.
Whether I lot or a little to any person here, I used the advice all together to take this next step. Thank you all.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson