Contrary and Captivating

[ellajam]

Hi, kakashi, I think you have something to work with here. The meter is well done and you stick to your form consistently. The place I would start: Consider whether or not the white space supports your poem, I'd like to see how it reads without it. Consider punctuating, I think it would help the reader, and along with that I'd love to see it without the first word of each line capitalized. If you think it helps the poem I'd love to hear why.

Some notes are below.

I am a tornado

But you are my equator I'm not sure tornado/equator works, but it's interesting.

Equal to nothing I like equal after equator.

And far beyond a savior

My passion's for precious This sounds nice but I'm not sure how precious is being used.

And constant obsession

My love, it can not be better



I am my own danger

But you are my angel Giant cliche.

Blinding and fearless

In beauty I'm tangled

My lust is for loving Nice line.

And for you mine's endless

My love, we've grown together



Perhaps I'm not hateful

Just learning to love I'm not sure where the hateful comes in, no background.

I was a child

Who questioned too much

And though I am certain

These words aren't enough

My love, I'm still getting better

Good luck with it.