Good Person

[Tigonfre]

Good Person
I give to charity,
so that others
might live happily,
so that mothers
can feed their kids

I care for my family
I am considerate
I want them to be happy
I am not burdened
by my deeds
I do them with love,
I provide for their needs
and make sure they have enough

Why do bad things happen to me?
I'm such a good person, can't you see?
Please don't hurt them

I give to charity. 
I tend to broken hearts.
I live happily. 
I am smart. 

I tell my secrets to the right people,
those that need my help,
I don't gossip,
I'm selectively truthful. 
Good people are kind. 
We lie when lies get us by. 
Good people are considerate 
(killers)
Consider it
(killers)
considerate

Good people love people (just one pill)
Good people let others win
(Sin no sin)
Good people don't ask questions
(Answers indefinite) 
Good people know only good 
(Get out while you could)
Join us, I'm such a good person join us I'm such a good person joy

I'm so innocent,
I'll never lie. 
Always smile when you say goodbye.
But you'll never leave
Never leave

We're such good people. 

Ask again?
When?
Tomorrow? 

"It would seem that he has indeed risen from his grave, after three days I'm told, apparently to save them, quite bold.

"Why do bad things happen to me?
I'm Such a goOd persON.  

---------------------------

I wrote this poem to try and illustrate how the good intentions of people are corrupted by forces that they are not aware of. It is a difficult thing to show because even the most disturbing things in the poem seem very innocent, but they most certainly are not. The idea behind the poem is the most important for me, I'm not so bothered by technical aspects, but I am aware of the fact that they are important. Any advice or critique would be appreciated.

As this is in Novice I can but suggest that you distill it. You say the same thing over and over so weakening whatever SALIENT point you are trying to make. Boil off all the water, it is just steam, and see what is left. I suspect it will be like making vodka from aftershave...there will not be much left  BUT what is left may be potent. For the record, and I risk things a bit here, we try not to make calls upon the ethical stance of the "poet" but on what the "poem" needs to be improved. By writing in first person you blackmail the majority of crits into empathy...this will do nothing for your writing skills but may make you feel better...especially amongst those who "feel" like you do. In this piece you cast your net so widely that there will be something in the catch for everyone... BUT "A poet who can’t make the language sing doesn’t start. Hence the shortage of real poems among the global planktonic field of duds." Clive James. There will be a lot of plankton in your net.
Best,
tectak

Thanks for the advice. I do not understand exactly what you are suggesting, but I agree that there is too much repetition in the poem. It's my prose-instinct to add too many unessential details. However, I cannot see the poem from your point of view, so I am not sure how to change it. Poetry is little more than a hobby for me, something to use occasionally in conjunction with prose.
I think I should have made the identity of the speaker clearer. It's actually the devil doing a monologue