Beasts of Burden

[John]

EDIT #2
They've taken to vast oceans Grammatically, the first stanza is one long sentence with comma-spliced disparate clauses. Until the clauses are better defined/associated/ordered throughout, punctuation can't be effectively assessed.
and are proprietors of stolen hearts, Cliché? To avoid the slight tongue-twist, would 'keepers' serve instead of proprietors?
they are men afraid of fear, forsaken Like the consonance.
steel beasts of burden It reads as if the men are the forsaken beasts, but who has the silver teeth and hates blood? Their god?
hailing a god of homogeneity,
with silver teeth, and hating blood. Good tetrameter. Makes the work far easier to read. Whatever the form, I look for speech rhythm.

With new homes
in old lands,
their cause was written, and justified,
speaking with broken fingers and
avoiding what was left behind.
 
We watched quietly and wept,
waving our hands in peace,
saving ourselves from that
burden,
their beast,
fading while waiting patiently
to see the cycle repeat.

Hi, Turtle. I've only addressed some grammatical issues in S1 with a view to cascading down through the rest. Hope it's of some use.

Cheers.