The Bottomless Pit - Rev. #1

[tectak]

The Bottomless Pit

Go away, you greedy sod.
And don't look at me like that
as if I'm in debt to you and your brood.
Let me enjoy my fish and chips
in peace, and savour the harbour and the boats.
And you, mate. Bog off.
Go and bother some other sop on holiday
with their faces full of burgers and cream-
teas. Plenty there for the likes of you.
Sodding beggars. Never happy. Always scrounging.
Our fault, I suppose.
Rods for our own backs
giving in to pitiful looks. You wouldn't be scrounging
if you weren't hungry.
But you're not.

Bastard seagulls.

Good john. Good but not beyond reproach. This should be in the Fun forum because it will attract some crits like seagulls to a sandwich. Just say if you want it moving.
Well, now that I'm here let's see if it's tuna or treacle before I start squawking.
The capitalising of each line used to be arguably contentious...now it is criticised more for its retro-pseudo-pretentiousness. Me? I find it confusing and say it is lazy...thankfully it is disappearing but you painstakingly capitalise lines which are not only begun with conjunctions.
But new lines to boot. (See how that line fooled you?) You do not make a case for this construction and though the vernacular style may permit, I still think that you could make it better by making it correct.
Frankly, the "and" word causes problems in poetry for me and everyone else because it is a poor quality linking device. Often you could simply omit the word, as in both occurences in this poem.
That really us about it. A good and current rant beats a bad outdated rant everytime. Well done.
Best,
tectak