The Bottomless Pit - Rev. #1

[John]

Thank you, ella. Glad you enjoyed it.  

Hi, John, just a note on the title: I like it. All giving to the begging  is a bottomless pit, no one can give enough to fill the need. I read the poem thinking it was about chronic human beggars and truly was caught by the last line, I think it works beautifully and I wouldn't recommend a title that gave it away.

Thanks for the read, I'm enjoying it.

Thanks for your input, Turtle. I split the line at that point to try and preserve speech rhythm, coupled with a little ambiguity. But it's all under review.

I imagined a man trying to sell something on the street, which gets me thinking about my own stereotypes that I have floating around in my head. I really like how you saved the seagulls for the end. The only part that through me off a bit, and that I'd recommend shifting (unless you're going for a particular effect) is the part where you go to a different line between "cream-" and "tea". I think it would flow a little better if you either moved "cream-" down, or "tea" up to the next line. Although there's power in breaking up words/phrases, sometimes flow is more important.

Thank you both for your comments.