Beasts of Burden

[Turtle]

Thanks to all the critics, this piece has been in dire need of editing for a long time. I shelved it a while back, seeing potential but always cringing in the back of my head every time I came across it. I like it quite a bit more now, but I also still welcome feedback.

EDIT #4
Taken to the ocean,
they are men afraid of fear.
Forsaken
steel beasts of burden
who hail a god of homogeneity
with a silver smile.

new homes,
old lands,
a cause written – justified.
Spoken with broken fingers
by owners of a stolen lie.

Watch quietly, weep.
Then save yourself from that
burden,
their beast.
Be still while waiting patiently
to see the cycle repeat.

EDIT #3
They've taken to vast oceans
and are owners of stolen hearts.
They are men afraid of fear, forsaken
steel beasts of burden
who hail a god of homogeneity
with silver teeth, and hating blood.

With new homes
in old lands,
their cause was written, and justified.
They spoke with broken fingers and
avoided what was left behind.

We watched quietly, wept,
waved our hands in peace.
Then saved ourselves from that
burden,
their beast,
and faded while waiting patiently
to see the cycle repeat.

EDIT #2
They've taken to vast oceans
and are proprietors of stolen hearts,
they are men afraid of fear, forsaken
steel beasts of burden
hailing a god of homogeneity,
with silver teeth, and hating blood.

With new homes
in old lands,
their cause was written, and justified,
speaking with broken fingers and
avoiding what was left behind.
 
We watched quietly and wept,
waving our hands in peace,
saving ourselves from that
burden,
their beast,
fading while waiting patiently
to see the cycle repeat.

EDIT #1
They've taken to vast oceans,
proprietors of stolen hearts, they are
bringers of steel beasts of burden.
They are men afraid of fear, and
have forsaken their ancient nature,
hailing a lord, a god of homogeneity,
praising a golden sun
with silver teeth, and hating blood.

With new homes in old lands,
silver teeth, and hating blood,
the bringers justified their cause,
speaking with broken fingers and
avoiding what they’ve lost.
 
We watched quietly and wept aloud,
waving our weathered hands in peace,
saving ourselves from that burden,
their beast,
fading away slowly while standing boldly,
awaiting patiently on both our feet.

ORIGINAL
They've taken to vast oceans,
sailing vessels soaked in lacquer,
distilled with broken fingers and
by men afraid of fear.

Forsaking their ancient nature,
they hail the god of cold wrath,
the lord of homogeneity,
praising their golden sun.

They found new homes in old lands,
preying upon weakened equals
and courageous hospitality,
only to stray from those words
spoken by those who would save our world.

Abounding with trinkets, they are
bringers of Steel Beasts of Burden,
chariots made by boiling blood,
silvering teeth, and hating love.

They stole the earth, written and justified,
proprietors of stolen hearts,
they would wave fingers and noses,
while gnawing away at stars in the sky.

We watched and wept,
waving our hands in peace,
saving ourselves from the burden,
the beast,
fading away while standing on both our feet.