The Bottomless Pit - Rev. #1

[John]

Hi, pjs, and thanks for your input. They are rapacious feeders and stomachs like... Just looked at a photograph of one swallowing a blackbird. But they're only doing what gulls do.

I take your point about a bit more circumstance and setting. I can work on that.

Cheers again.

Throughout the entire poem, I was wondering: who/what is this person/thing bothering you? I like poetry where the very last line jumps out and answers all my questions, sometimes making me feel silly for not realizing before. But maybe you could add some more details regarding what this seagull is doing to bother you to create a better image? And why is it called The Bottomless Pit? I see no relation between the title and the poem itself, unless you want the seagull to drop into a bottomless pit that is.

Ah... never mind my comment on the title. Just reread it again and I like your metaphor of a beggar never satisfied to a bottomless pit.

Hi, Keith, and thanks for your input. I can certainly work on the show/tell angle - there's plenty of material for that in our neck of the woods. In fact I was debating something similar but this time make the subject of my ire the holidaymakers and day trippers that sit there feeding the gulls, despite the notices. Really not the gulls' fault. We feed the damned things.

Oh, and it's cream first in Devon, and only a bit of jam on top when there's no more room for cream!

Thanks for your time in reading this.

Cheers

Hi John
You know in Padstow they fed them contraception to cull the ever increasing population, plenty of food to go round now. The poem for me is a little bit, too much tell and not enough show, with this subject matter you have many options to give the reader a glimpse of what is going on and a few well placed images could really improve the reading experience. I can't stand seagulls and I had the essence of the poem nailed by line 4 the title works well because they never stop.
PS I would be the one with a cream tea. yum, yum.

Hope this helps. Best Keith

I wonder. Would a poem work on this subject giving a seagull's perspective, and a holidaymaker's? Contrasting the two? Just a thought.