The Bottomless Pit - Rev. #1

[Keith]

The Bottomless Pit

Go away, you greedy sod.
And don't look at me like that
as if I'm in debt to you and your brood.
Let me enjoy my fish and chips
in peace, and savour the harbour and the boats.
And you, mate. Bog off.
Go and bother some other sop on holiday
with their faces full of burgers and cream-
teas. Plenty there for the likes of you.
Sodding beggars. Never happy. Always scrounging.
Our fault, I suppose.
Rods for our own backs
giving in to pitiful looks. You wouldn't be scrounging
if you weren't hungry.
But you're not.

Bastard seagulls.

Hi John
You know in Padstow they fed them contraception to cull the ever increasing population, plenty of food to go round now. The poem for me is a little bit, too much tell and not enough show, with this subject matter you have many options to give the reader a glimpse of what is going on and a few well placed images could really improve the reading experience. I can't stand seagulls and I had the essence of the poem nailed by line 4 the title works well because they never stop.
PS I would be the one with a cream tea. yum, yum.

Hope this helps. Best Keith