07-30-2015, 11:45 AM
Hi, I'm new here, so please take my advice with a grain of salt. 
I think in some places the diction could be changed up a bit,
for example "A stiff and unforgiving wind", could be changed to a "Callous and unforgiving wind". I just feel callous sounds more... intense.
And instead of "gradually weakened me", it could be "weakened me gradually". I don't know why. It just sounds better, to me, as I read it like so.
I think in some places the diction could be changed up a bit,
for example "A stiff and unforgiving wind", could be changed to a "Callous and unforgiving wind". I just feel callous sounds more... intense.
And instead of "gradually weakened me", it could be "weakened me gradually". I don't know why. It just sounds better, to me, as I read it like so.