Notes to Self. Edited out of misc

[fluorescent.43]

here goes my attempt at deciphering & critiquing this:

I am the sum of many parts, some circumstance and fate. believe it should be something like 'some circumstance and other fate', cos they're contrasts, right?
I know myself or think I do, but strange, through compound  eyes I see this and the 2 lines below have a lovely flow but think you could split it up by inserting a colon after 'strange' instead of a comma. love 'through compound eyes'. reminds me of a spider.
the circling dance of others who divide their lives by love or hate;
espousing this, negating that, assured by their life policy. get what you're trying to say but 'assured by their life policy' seems an off way to say it. perhaps not. i still like it.

To those who see in monochrome I am a man of grey;
but slit me with a keen-honed word, or puncture me with pointed pen,
and all the well-red blood will pour, from all who had a part to play is the comma needed?
in casting me to be just one among a million, million men. i lost my concentration and flow of reading around 'from all who had a part to play'. is the repetition of 'million' needed?-- also, minor nitpick: should 'million' be 'billion?-- seeing as there are roughly 7.2 billion people on mother earth.

Surprises now are less and less, fresh thoughts a memory. is 'and less' needed?  i'd put something like 'white-washed' in front of memory.
So dance for me a different waltz, and swirl me off to somewhere rare.
Spin while you can in certainty that this is how our world should be; confused me again-- i'd change it to 'spin while you can, certain that' and end this line on a period cos these lines are mindbogglingly complex (but it is titled 'Notes to Self', so i suppose it's written that way).
take me along but bind my eyes, abandon me when we get there. semi-colon instead of comma seems to work better-- also, i think 'arrive' or something of the sort would be better than 'get there'.

Now I am old and you are young…you follow on my trail. is 'on' needed?
Look down, though, once the scent goes cold when only stones in fading view same with 'though' and 'when'-- then i'd put a comma after 'goes cold'.
still guide you by that final sense. Touch each before you grow too frail 'by that final sense' seems redundant. semicolon to end this line would work too.
then sit and call out names you knew; they will be calling you. personal&minor nitpick: either don't use contractions, or do. since 'knew' is past tense, would 'you once knew' clarify it?
 
If Love and Hate should shadow me , the journey will not end. the capitalization boggles me.
I’ll walk alone— a  penalty— for wearing truth’s concealing mask, second dash needed?-- to pare it down slightly, i'd also cut 'concealing', since 'mask' already implies that.
instead of being someone else; a lie in love, a pretend friend. 'pretend friend' is almost a tongue-twister. i'd cut it. love 'lie in love'.
Daylight dawns late, where is the path? But it’s too late to ask.  for me, this begins to fall apart right around now. the clarity of sentence is more fragmented and makes a third or fourth read necessary to digest. also, i'd say 'but it's' isn't necessary.
 
Though I am lost I need not know where is this place…where am I now?
I flew with trade winds, words were gold, and all desired my contraband;
but current wins against the  breeze. Once no one steers, the pointing prow    
on awkward tide turns out to sea, then grateful founds on foreign land. nothing to say for this stanza but: WHAT? perhaps i'm not clever enough to understand where you went with the last stanza.

Tectak
From “A Diary” 2009-2015

some thoughts: a bit cluttered, in my opinion. smooth out a few wrinkles and this would be a superb poem (well, it already is. then, superb-er). i really like the first three stanzas, and after that the metaphorical language fans out too far. can't say much, really. if you intend to revise this, good luck with it!

43.