Glide Comes Before The Fall (title change, edit #1)
#8
(07-25-2015, 08:48 PM)ellajam Wrote:  Cause and Effect or Coincidence

The view is fine from this close space
so near the tight-pulled patchwork tarp;
the bubbleheads are packed below,
each hat confetti on the mass.

I set my sights across the span,
align my spine, my shoulders squared.
I find my center, set my smile
and take off on my usual walk
with pole in hand, the wire taut.

Each step is sure, while one small boy
whose mother thinks he is so sweet,
gets itchy from the silent awe.
A glow of mischief in his eye,
he burrows round until he's found
the sharpened pencil in his pack
to prick his souvenir balloon.

The pop rings out, it carries sharp,
a bullet through the magic spell.
A pause, a slide, a wobbled step,
I spread my wings but catch no air.
Hi Ellajam, just a thought but wondered if the poem could begin with "So near the tight-pulled patchwork tarp"
to set the scene.  I like the confetti of hats. An alternative line suggestion is  "their hats/caps confettied on the mass"(?)  Stanza 2 is brill. In stanza 3, "whose mother thinks he is so sweet", the stress on is bothered me, but that's probably just me! Loved the end line: "I spread my wings but catch no air".  I enjoyed this. Thanks, Grace.
feedback award
Reply


Messages In This Thread
RE: Cause and Effect or Coincidence - by ellajam - 07-25-2015, 11:49 PM
RE: Cause and Effect or Coincidence - by ellajam - 07-26-2015, 12:42 AM
RE: Cause and Effect or Coincidence - by Brownlie - 07-26-2015, 09:36 AM
RE: Cause and Effect or Coincidence - by ellajam - 07-26-2015, 01:35 PM
RE: Cause and Effect or Coincidence - by Grace - 07-27-2015, 08:01 AM
RE: Cause and Effect or Coincidence - by ellajam - 07-27-2015, 08:42 AM
RE: Cause and Effect or Coincidence - by Wjames - 07-30-2015, 11:54 AM
RE: Cause and Effect or Coincidence - by ellajam - 07-30-2015, 07:12 PM
RE: Cause and Effect or Coincidence - by John - 07-30-2015, 07:40 PM
RE: Cause and Effect or Coincidence - by ellajam - 07-30-2015, 07:57 PM



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!