Glide Comes Before The Fall (title change, edit #1)

[ellajam]

Hi ella,  I remeber reading and enjoying this one from the NAPN offerings.
Will offer a few thoughts below.

First off I am not a big fan of the title - doesn't add anything for me or draw me into the story in any relevant way.

Cause and Effect or Coincidence
The view is fine from this close space  not sure about the use of this as opposed to my.  The rest of the poem is based on personal view and perspectives so why not this?  Good opening line makes me want to find out where the write is.
so near the tight-pulled patchwork tarp;  Next three lines were more difficult to get into on the first read.  Once the circus image had been found was obvious.  Like the images and the fact that they are not obvious to start with- made me want to re-read to savour the images.
the bubbleheads are packed below,  Liked the use of bubbleheads...gives the reader a insight into the opinions as well as the perspective.
each hat confetti on the mass.  Not so sold on the confetti hats image  (dates the poem into not of this era and so lessens the onnection to personal connection of here and now)  However do like the sonics and rhyme bounce of hats and mass.
I set my sights across the span,
align my spine, my shoulders squared.  Nice details.
I find my center, set my smile
and take off on my usual walk
with pole in hand, the wire taut.  no comments for this stanza.

Each step is sure, while one small boy  Not sure I need the first four # five words.  think they are already implied in stanza above (usual walk makes me think the writer is quite relaxed and casual about this walk)
whose mother thinks he is so sweet,
gets itchy from the silent awe.  Like the use of itchy to describe the behaviour of the boy - good image seems perfect.
A glow of mischief in his eye,
he burrows round until he's found commar here perhaps.
the sharpened pencil in his pack
to prick his souvenir balloon.
The pop rings out, it carries sharp,
a bullet through the magic spell.  Don't like the use of magic spell - feels forced and cliche  (suggestion sub magic for silent if you want to keep the s's - which I like running through this stanza).
A pause, a slide, a wobbled step,
I spread my wings but catch no air.  Good clear ending with just the right amount of suggested smugness.  - nice.

All the best AJ.

Thanks so much, AJ, very helpful. Maybe I can find a subtle circus title to ease the confusion of the first few lines. I liked confetti and was unsure about mass, trying to get away without using masses but I didn't realize confetti has gone the way of tickertape. Maybe shredded paper, thanks for the headsup, I'll think on it.

I'll see what I can do with the one small boy line and the magic spell. Your time and comments are much appreciated.