First Year Teaching

[John]

Hi, vtsai01,

To Sir With Love starring Sydney Poitier and Lulu comes to mind. One of my favourite films.

The first time I read it, it came across as a rap song. So too the second and subsequent times. Forced rhyme and broken and erratic line lengths make it neither formal nor totally free.

Why did you double up the first and sixth stanzas/strophes? It doesn't shorten the poem. One way to do that is to chop out unnecessary and redundant words (e.g. so, so here I am, but, becoming, and more, just, etc.) Tighten meaning.

With respect to your first, that would sound better as a summation at the end of the poem, with the accent on the word 'you' in the last line.

The seventh shows a teacher about to crack up. For me, that's too negative. He needs to be a role model in dealing with problems that pupils cause, not just showing how it affects him. Sidney Poitier didn't pop pills or cry to the Headmaster.

I've put some notes (not all) in the body, and hope they're of some use. But until it's altered so as not to come across as some sort of hybrid, I get nothing but rap.

Cheers.

****Revision::*****

There's always times for school, college, and work stress. Excess
Just like with inhales and exhales, you decompress.  Excess
What is your coping mechanisms? Grammar
What keeps you alive as an organism?

Today I bawled to the principal, Does this mean crying in front of, or shouting at? Not the right sort of ambiguity.
And it felt good.                      

It's tough being a teacher.
I end up becoming a preacher,
Of all the do's and don'ts,
All just to get the I-don't-wanna, and I won't.

So here I am dragging them by the wrists,
I don't give a damn if I take some hits.
First foundation of learning is safety,
There's no time for talks of maybes.

They say not to take it personally.
I'm not trying to, believe me.
But with such harsh circumstances,
You can't expect me to come in dancin'.

It's taking a toll on me, emptying my wallet with nothing to pay.
I lie here like a burnt cigarette, unfinished, on an ash tray. A metaphor would be stronger than a simile. I am a...
How can I bring in peace with current weak will?
Oh, I know, fix it with some goddamn pills!

But it's eating my brain,
These things that are to keep me sane.
I just become more apathetic,
I'm starting to feel more and more pathetic.

I want to ask, can't we simply be frenemies?
Can't you see that it's not for me or your family?
It's for you and your growth,
To expand your life with opportunities of great worth.

Enough with the fists or the threats.
Enough with the five minute glory and those shits.
Cool it with yourself,
It's not good for you or my health.

So I'm standing and inhibiting my tearducts, Grammar
What's the point of giving a fuck?
But I'm close to the finish line,
Where summer break will be all mine.

But I can get so nearsighted and lost, Grammar
With all these losing battles that I've fought.
This negative energy is draining my soul,
I'm losing sight of my goal.

Today I bawled to my principal,
And it didn't feel quite good.

Don't tell me I hit rock bottom.
I promise I'll find my umph, I'll get em'.
I know I have to,
I'm not here to lose.

I'm not here to whine or quit, Whining is exactly what's going on. Make this teacher a strong role model.
To bow my head and say forget it.
I'm waiting for my triumph,
I'm here to end with an umph!