My Love

[ellajam]

Hi, Pen, I've been having some difficulty with this. As an example, "Forms adorned with heavenly quality" There must be a more descriptive word for her form than "form" and a word for whatever heavenly quality you mean. I have no idea, the words you have chosen are just too general for me, this is a problem throughout much of the poem for me.

"Stout feet that stand in Peruvian rock." is a beautiful image.

All the white space slows this down in a way that I don't think is advantageous to the poem and the rhyme scheme seems off. Are you intending excelling and demanding to rhyme? And then the attempted rhymes seem to be abandoned in S3. It's an odd read.

I hope you continue to work on this, good luck with it.

This poem speaks of a fair lady, a woman that is my love.

Sweet fragrance, of perfume excelling,

Marvelous vision, of a form demanding.

Wavy hair, woven of a divine flair,

Alluring lady, of an elegance so fair.



Forms adorned with heavenly quality,

Beauty pleasing to the eye with regality.

Colors, shapes, sounds, a resounding bell,

Fountain of youth, springing a powerful well.



Silky hands made of a consoling touch,

Stout feet that stand in Peruvian rock.

O, delirious weakness, my Achilles' heel,

Heart of fire, thoughts that stand still.



Seductive eyes, pleasure without measure,

Olives devouring with a delectable azure.

Otherworldly dame graced in enduring fame,

Only sight enkindling the passionate flame.