07-22-2015, 04:32 PM
I really liked how you began with "you came to class drunk." It's a simple line that serves to really catch the reader's attention and makes one want to understand more about this person you're speaking about. Despite the cliche of being someone's first, I believe lines like "you got a tattoo yesterday" and "this isn't normal" help to give a unique, personal voice on a situation that otherwise may be very familiar to poetry and just writing in general.
"You said you didn’t like me,
like that,
but I like you, like that."
These lines did seem a bit weak, and I'm sure there's a more eloquent way of portraying the same thing, but then again it's also important to stay true to the writing style expressed in the poem.
Overall I enjoyed reading it, just could use a little tweaking with here and there, but nothing major.
Good luck!
"You said you didn’t like me,
like that,
but I like you, like that."
These lines did seem a bit weak, and I'm sure there's a more eloquent way of portraying the same thing, but then again it's also important to stay true to the writing style expressed in the poem.
Overall I enjoyed reading it, just could use a little tweaking with here and there, but nothing major.
Good luck!