Untitled Insanity

[yilmazp90]

Love the shirt, love the poem. The best thing about this poem is that it confused me and i'm going to spend the next 10 minutes reading it and interpreting it, and that is appropriate to the title of the poem. I feel that there could be one more line at the end that is a question which would reincorporate the feeling of being unsure as you said "when her mind is so unsure". Although, i see why you wanted to conclude the poem in quite a dark, and therefore powerful (amirite?), way. "Balanced on that tempting line," i sort of think this contradicts the explanation of this person's unstable mind. I don't see why it shouldn't be "unbalanced on that tempting line" - which suggests a bad ending that could add power to the ending you chose. One last criticism is the choice of word "grevious" in "grevious plea". I think it's simply the wrong word. Grevious is simply put, severe and a serious state of being. It could very well work if you replaced "plea" but they don't work too well together and i think that line can really be good.

But, i'm going to read it a few more times and maybe give you a bit more detailed feedback.