07-19-2015, 11:39 PM
I suspect its very good for a first ever poem, ( wish mine was as good ) you managed to avoid superfluous words and kept it short and punchy.
Perhaps you could replace the rather ordinary "complicated" with something wine related to continue the metaphor. (but thats just nit picking)
Maybe get rid of "miraculously" and replace it with something with the same count of syllables between the words "am,, and,, Free".
Sorry for the crap critique, Julia,
Obi
Perhaps you could replace the rather ordinary "complicated" with something wine related to continue the metaphor. (but thats just nit picking)
Maybe get rid of "miraculously" and replace it with something with the same count of syllables between the words "am,, and,, Free".
Sorry for the crap critique, Julia,
Obi