Shell Sleep

[billy]

the poem starts off really well for me but the last two stanza seem to let it down a bit, i wonder if they're even needed? i'd suggest making the [that's where i'll be, variation on a refrain and have them in their own lines.

When lights kick themselves off
and the night sweeps a cool palm
across the sky, I’m right there. i like the opening stanza, i'm reading kick themselves off as lighting up without a discernible switch. i wonder if [a cool palm] would read better at the start of the third line, and [i'm right there] have its own line with a line space above and below it? just some food for thought

Somewhere in the hanging mist is [somewhere] needed?
between the warped catwalks
of a liminal hour, that’s where I am. i love the use of liminal, it's use i presume pertaining to dusk/twilight. again i'd suggest [that's where i am] on it's own line.

When a man and his dog plod out
onto a swath of fresh snow, and the the enjambment doesn't work well for me
night sky to the south is corrugated this is a good image, it reminds me of the northern lights though they're predominantly greeny when i saw them, but corrugated is nigh on perfect.
with orange light and flourescent hum, fluorescent
that’s where I’ll be.

Don’t hold a candle up,
don’t shine a floodlight
or disrupt the calm, the
singular calm of sleeping calm, can one of them be substituted?
inside a shell. Just know
you are safe at home and
your own are safe at home
and you all will be that way
tonight, just stay inside.

Because tonight
isn’t a chew toy.
Monsters are out,
not the fangly ones,
but the contorted,
the distended,
and the weird.