07-19-2015, 09:43 AM
Thanks Crow and Em for taking the time, much appreciated, I struggle a bit with my punctuation. I'm doing a bit of a rewrite here keeping in mind your comments, I will also say why I am doing certain things and then please correct me if I am wrong on this or could perhaps do it some better way.
Made for the monster,
played by the pauper,not disingenuous, Hillbillies for example found it a popular instrument in the 1900s
aged by the sage, instruments age the more you play them- especially if they are played often
loved by the lunatic
-its neck broken by the bastard. The reason the rhythm is broken is to force a pause. - removed the apostrophe
Played before kings,
sang shivers and dreams, its the singers who accompany the mandolin that sing
was a woman,
a lover,
a poet,
a thing.
Now waits mounted on a poor man's wall, didn't want to add "she" because "it" was a thing as well, like it being ambivalent
For a master to recall: recall means more than just remember but includes it, I tried "restore" but it does not rhyme well with wall, it also does not have the same emotive connotation. recall also means evoke.
the hidden,
the mystery,
the music- mysterious and musical would break the rhythm, it is also not as emotively powerful
its all in all. I don't know what a punt means - "its all in all" sums up music, music sums up mystery, mystery sums up hidden its an emotional escalation consummating in its sense of purpose. The theme is about lost purpose.
Made for the monster,
played by the pauper,not disingenuous, Hillbillies for example found it a popular instrument in the 1900s
aged by the sage, instruments age the more you play them- especially if they are played often
loved by the lunatic
-its neck broken by the bastard. The reason the rhythm is broken is to force a pause. - removed the apostrophe
Played before kings,
sang shivers and dreams, its the singers who accompany the mandolin that sing
was a woman,
a lover,
a poet,
a thing.
Now waits mounted on a poor man's wall, didn't want to add "she" because "it" was a thing as well, like it being ambivalent
For a master to recall: recall means more than just remember but includes it, I tried "restore" but it does not rhyme well with wall, it also does not have the same emotive connotation. recall also means evoke.
the hidden,
the mystery,
the music- mysterious and musical would break the rhythm, it is also not as emotively powerful
its all in all. I don't know what a punt means - "its all in all" sums up music, music sums up mystery, mystery sums up hidden its an emotional escalation consummating in its sense of purpose. The theme is about lost purpose.