Masturbation - Edit

[ellajam]

Really good work on the edit. A few notes:

Edit:

I've heard the ocean in a shell
and just to breathe her, bought Chanel; Love this rhyme, these lines work beautifully now.
but without sand between my toes,
or skin to stray beneath my noes, Typo nose? Skin to stray is the only bump in this for me.
it's just another night alone.

I’ve watched a fireplace on TV,
and kissed her pillow, tenderly;
but without flames to warm my bones
or lips to push back on my own,
it’s just another night alone.

Original:

I’ve heard the ocean through a shell,
and bought perfume to breathe her smell;
but without sand between my toes
or love to bind my earthly woes,
it’s just another night spent all alone.

I’ve watched a fireplace on TV,
and kissed her pillow, tenderly;
but without flames to warm my bones
or lips to match the love I’ve shown,
it’s just another night spent all alone.