07-16-2015, 10:34 PM
Thanks for the comments Dale-
I've revised the first line into a complete sentence.
As a slave to my own challenges, I will maintain the syllabic structure of this piece: breaking each line into 4 syllables + 6 syllables.
The secondary challenge was to have the poem "disintegrate" to "air", while invoking a different sense in each line, and that is easy to maintain.
I don't mind being slammed for adhering to a rigid form, because I think that I can convey the tone and meaning while doing so. I set "rules" for the form, like shaping a glass. Then I pour in the words and remove the glass, hopefully making the form less visible. Virtually every poem I've ever posted follows a pre-determined pattern. (As I get older I've softened that approach). Enough on my "style", as style is a whole nother topic...
Thanks again,
... Mark
I've revised the first line into a complete sentence.
As a slave to my own challenges, I will maintain the syllabic structure of this piece: breaking each line into 4 syllables + 6 syllables.
The secondary challenge was to have the poem "disintegrate" to "air", while invoking a different sense in each line, and that is easy to maintain.
I don't mind being slammed for adhering to a rigid form, because I think that I can convey the tone and meaning while doing so. I set "rules" for the form, like shaping a glass. Then I pour in the words and remove the glass, hopefully making the form less visible. Virtually every poem I've ever posted follows a pre-determined pattern. (As I get older I've softened that approach). Enough on my "style", as style is a whole nother topic...
Thanks again,
... Mark