07-16-2015, 06:40 AM
(07-16-2015, 12:54 AM)Mark A Becker Wrote: Spirit CheckingVery few nits with this, mark. It is a tough call to offer up changes in short form. Nonetheless:
My childhood home
no longer makes a sound.
The living room
feels cold and lifeless now.
Your easy chair
looks worn out from long nights.
Stale, musty air
that smells of hidden mice.
S1. Consider the concept of silence. There is a difference between the silence IN a house and the house itself making no sound.I think you mean the former but you write the latter.
S2. The living room FEELS cold (but is not) or IS cold? Ditto as above.
S3 contrarily does not a sentence make. Do you care? I do not.
Best,
tectak

