Spirit Checking
#2
(07-16-2015, 12:54 AM)Mark A Becker Wrote:  Spirit Checking

My childhood home
no longer makes a sound.

The living room
feels cold and lifeless now.

Your easy chair
looks worn out from long nights.

Stale, musty air
that smells of hidden mice.
Very few nits with this, mark. It is a tough call to offer up changes in short form. Nonetheless:
S1. Consider the concept of silence. There is a difference between the silence IN a house and the house itself making no sound.I think you mean the former but you write the latter.
S2. The living room FEELS cold (but is not) or IS cold? Ditto as above.
S3 contrarily does not a sentence make. Do you care? I do not.
Best,
tectak
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Messages In This Thread
Spirit Checking - by Mark A Becker - 07-16-2015, 12:54 AM
RE: Spirit Checking - by tectak - 07-16-2015, 06:40 AM
RE: Spirit Checking - by Mark A Becker - 07-16-2015, 07:37 AM
RE: Spirit Checking - by Erthona - 07-16-2015, 10:05 AM
RE: Spirit Checking - by Mark A Becker - 07-16-2015, 10:34 PM
RE: Spirit Checking - by tectak - 07-16-2015, 11:50 PM
RE: Spirit Checking - by Mark A Becker - 07-17-2015, 12:50 AM



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