Missing

[Todd]

Hi Keith,

I've been reading this off and on for awhile, and I'm glad to finally get to comment on it. I noticed the spotlight and understand why it was given. You've got something here that's worth coming back to. I'm not entirely sure of my interpretation, and I'm not asking for clarity, but I will walk through my thoughts on the poem in hope that they may be helpful.

It was a strange sensation,
lying upside-down on a grass bank,
looking at the sun to see flying saucers.--This is a really solid opening. Playing off the title, we think alien abduction. It also sits as a nice metaphor for having someone leave your life inexplicably, and suddenly, as if by outside agency.
I remember a tear as they took you,--This can be read two ways. I remember a tear (meaning I felt sad), or I remember a tear (a hole opening in the sky). They implies the aliens. Though I keep thinking of that Train song 50 Ways to Say Goodbye and the excuses we make to ourselves, and our friends, and family as to why it all ended.
your face a back seat white spot.--This makes me think the speaker is remembering looking in a rear view mirror as the alien spotlight bore down on the missing partner. It also makes me think that the missing element happened out of the corner of the eye something glimpsed but not fully understood.

I've watched the skies for your return,--Great line, building on the conceit
my body has been snatched--I love how you turned this around, as the loss of the other person has caused something to be missing in the speaker.
but it still thinks and talks the same,
my skin is thin and easily peeled,--Has a nice invasion of the body snatcher's vibe. It's also very visual imagery.
it would reveal a younger man than me.--interesting. Its as if the speaker is trying to retreat to a younger self, to a less complicated painful time.

Did you ever try to escape--You might consider moving up or settle to this line as it could say than that the person felt they were settling with the speaker, so you'd be asking did you ever lower your bar. Just a thought. It would also read well with the next line.
or settle in some place with me erased,--The with me erased adds a poignancy to this thought.
an artist amongst the zebra
with too much water on your brush.--I like how this sounds. I'm just not a painter and have no sense of how to interpret.

You will recognise me if you look,--This has a nice symmetry to the opening.
I'm lying upside-down, staring at the sun
waiting for the same sensation.--Nice subtle shift.
My colours now are black and white,--I have become landscape.
the stripes remind me to forget.--forgeting is the only solace.

Nice work, Keith!

I've enjoyed my many readings of this.

Best,

Todd