07-15-2015, 04:05 AM
Hello Julia- First, welcome.
That first posted poem is always a hard one to get out. Fortunately, you went the "keep it short" route.
I finally found the one to call mine, ending on a soft spondee (//) is a bit tricky for me to read or speak
who likens me to a drink of fine wine: another soft spondee, with probably too much rhyming
Complicated. good reference back to the wine, or metaphorically, you
Still, he prefers me for the quality, since the poem is a "set-up" to this last stanza, you may need to reconsider how you end this one. Quality hints back to the wine...
miraculously. With him, I am free. ... but miraculously seems to come out of nowhere. "free" I'm afraid doesn't describe anything specific, and at this point it needs to punch
Really good idea for a first post/poem. I'd suggest maintaining the wine theme all the way through. Words like "miraculously" and "free" may seem OK at first, but they are too abstract to be of much use in a poem this short: every word matters. Perhaps a little research into terms used to describe wine tasting will help. Search for words like: crisp, savory, tawny, fleshy, juicy, refined, and on and on...
Good luck!
... Mark
That first posted poem is always a hard one to get out. Fortunately, you went the "keep it short" route.
I finally found the one to call mine, ending on a soft spondee (//) is a bit tricky for me to read or speak
who likens me to a drink of fine wine: another soft spondee, with probably too much rhyming
Complicated. good reference back to the wine, or metaphorically, you
Still, he prefers me for the quality, since the poem is a "set-up" to this last stanza, you may need to reconsider how you end this one. Quality hints back to the wine...
miraculously. With him, I am free. ... but miraculously seems to come out of nowhere. "free" I'm afraid doesn't describe anything specific, and at this point it needs to punch
Really good idea for a first post/poem. I'd suggest maintaining the wine theme all the way through. Words like "miraculously" and "free" may seem OK at first, but they are too abstract to be of much use in a poem this short: every word matters. Perhaps a little research into terms used to describe wine tasting will help. Search for words like: crisp, savory, tawny, fleshy, juicy, refined, and on and on...
Good luck!
... Mark