What is this cold/hot thing?

[ellajam]

Hi, crow, . I like this for it's mix of blatant grief, fuzzy mystery and strong imagery. I've put some notes below about the few things that bother me.

What is this cold/hot thing?


What am I supposed to love now?
Give me your ghost or give me a massacre
Just don't keep leaving me alone

I find my bleary eyes
slaved to a McDonald's sign,
and I am losing my mind.

Sing into my head
about the boy that missed us? This line is evocative and mysterious enough without the question mark, I'd prefer a period.
Leave my hosannas.
You used to sing hosanna . . .
on Easter, dressed up . . . Strong line.

I'm worn out as a desert stone,
like a puzzle with all its edges gone,
the steam in a sauna
back into the bottle
Desert stone stands out as cliche, with steam and putting anything back in a bottle not far behind. I think I'd prefer "I'm worn out, a puzzle with all its edges gone." I think it's strong enough to stand alone.

In this vivid darkness, 
I'm
in the cherry dark,
all alone,
in the ruby dark,
so alone.

This unsalted potato barely looks like my heart anymore. Love this line.
It barely looks like the thing you used to own
before you up and died.
Why'd you do that for?

I needed you then
now I need you more

Do you miss me
wherever you have gone?
Is it blissful there, or did someone get the whole thing wrong The second half of this line feels a little bulky, you may be able to say it more eloquently.

Now, you are my viole't dream I like the violet/violent play after the reds above.
You're the rainy road under my keening
You're the shuttered windows, no one sees Bit of a meh line, cliche.
Could you crane your see-through head and kiss me deep one more time, as I fall asleep? Love the see-through head.

Where's my baby gone
I'm sitting in my truck 
now the engine's off

where's my Ruby gone
the doors are locked
and the radio is on

Much enjoyed, crow, thanks for posting it, meaty.