Missing

[Keith]

Hi Keith,  this one seems to be causing some confusion and I would agree that it perhaps needs a few more bits either removing or adding to aid the reader...although once i got a story line going I enjoyed it emensly and the element of traversing the surreal connections was the enjoyable part for me.   I will let you know what I read into this one, might be a million miles off but actually I am happy enough with the read I've given it....I found it quite poignant. 
 I get a lot of lost childhood and perhaps a best friend / first love who's parents (aliens) moved away.  I felt a sense of the longing and the writers regret for becoming just another homeginised and boring adult (Zebra)hidden in plain view. (having traded the excitment of childhood games looking for aliens  - Adults)

It was a strange sensation,
lying upside-down on a grass bank,
looking at the sun to see flying saucers.  Love your opening lines they hook me into an intriging image that i am not sure what i am looking for or who is speaking.  But it is playful and at the same time almost sinister.
I remember a tear as they took you,
your face a back seat white spot.   This initially confused me untill my thrid read when the image of a childs fearful (white) face seen dissapearing over the horizon would become a white spot.  I think it might be the singular tear the voice has commented on..but then if this is a male voice (because I can't work out any gender and it does not reslly matter a boy trying to be brave in front of a friend would not admit to tears so singular it is then and my speaker is a boy / man)

I've watched the skies for your return,  Think this should be a period at the end of this line.
my body has been snatched  commar here
but it still thinks and talks the same,  ?punctuation here I want to suggest a semi colon.
my skin is thin and easily peeled,
it would reveal a younger man than me.  these last two line I would suggest a slight reworking to make the overall sentance construct of this stanza to improve the flow of the read - it feels word heavy and stilted.  Perhaps:     my thin skin, easily peeled
                                                                                                                               to reveal a younger man than me.

Did you ever try to escape
or settle in some place with me erased,  maybe a question mark here.
an artist amongst the zebra   ...and then capitalise this next line.  Love the introduction to the image / details of a budding artist in the story.  
with too much water on your brush.  Love this stanza.  think the subtle use of the image of a zebra is to convey the lostness and camoflage against the herds of ordinary humanity v clever.  also then the nextline for me links into the tear with the referance that the voice is thinking that the feelings of pain at the seperation were hard to bare for the one who was abducted away.

You will recognise me if you look,
I'm lying upside-down, staring at the sun
waiting for the same sensation.
My colours now are black and white,
the stripes remind me to forget.   Like the loop back to the start.  The inner child who has never forgotten and is still longing to return to those days.  Poignant read for me and v cleverly done.   I would suggest that this one only needs a few tweeks rather than a drastic cut.

All the best AJ.

Many thanks AJ you have saved me from a major re write, and you have offered some great feedback that I will take into an edit. Where would I be without your ability to see through the unclear, very much appreciate everything you have done here. Best Keith

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simply loved it.

many thanks billy, much appreciated, Keith