Skin is like paper, revised

[TheOnlyRedSmurf]

There's a lot of very rich imagery here - each on there own are enjoyable and elegant little paintings - but I think if you want to create something that has greater impact, and sense of self-certainty, you need to pull back, boil down to the *thing* you actually want to say, and de-clutter. You say that this is a poem about ritual and secrecy in self-harm - is it important to you that this is apparent to a reader? Because at the moment that central *meaning* is not immediately apparent.

Hope the re-writes go well!

the language is more specific to the SI community but it would also be nice if a wider range of people understood, but that is the point of the last line, you have to have the right eyes to read the story
there is a revision above but little culling, I'm not sure I can say what I want how I want with significantly fewer words, I want it to be a calm but gentle painting of a misunderstood act