First Poem

[Animal Riots Activist]

This is my first real poem and I'm here to learn, so please, tear this one up, as much as it deserves, so that I can do better. -Welcome to the pen, and to writing poetry!
    Thank you, all.


I sit atop a tall lonely mountain.
Cloudy mist, my only companion. -This is a bit of a trap newbies tend to fall into: redundancy. We already know mist is cloudy, and clouds are misty. Including both words doesn't add much, and in my opinion they tend to weaken the image. Now something like "purple mist" or "vagrant clouds" etc, those words strengthen the image. It's a game of words, so make each one count!
I look down on the people who live below.
I see every life end and begin. 'end and begin' can be said in a stronger way than as is. ex. "wax and wane"

I, too, was once a man. -this line is a bit overwrought, but not in a bad way.
Who once was lost along a winding trail. -'winding trail' is very cliche
I found peace in protecting and observing.
Despite Winters bite and storming hail. winters bite is cliche, but the rhyme is somewhat more important. It's simply ineffective and jilted without an appropriate, consistent meter.

I found that I could stop disaster.
Send help to those whom needed. [it] I know your going for rhyme, but you shouldn't sacrifice grammatical structure for it's sake.
Alone I must stay on top this tall mountain.
But, my own woes, I always conceded.

My attention ever on those, whom I try to help.
I didn’t notice myself turning slowly to stone.
The elements would try to beat me.
But, I would stay, forever and alone. -in this meme-centric world, "forever alone" should be taboo to use in a poem. Not to mention it's already pretty cliche

My will is strong, my heart is true. cliche line
I try to give my luck to all those below.
Though, it costs me in ways indescribable.
I make it up in more ways than one could know.

I am the Gentle Giant, who sits on the mountain.
I am the Gentleman Beast, who watches over all that I can.
I am the lonely Figure of Stone.
Whom all have forgotten was once a Man

I don't think the idea is unworkable, just in the manner it's presented it doesn't work very well at all. I know this was a somewhat harsh crit, but you fell into literally every trap that newbies fall into and that's not a bad thing at all, I think. And believe me when I say your in very good company, as everyone here has (at one point or another) fallen into the traps of "cliche", "rhyme without meter", and "abstraction". I can send you my first poem(s) as a testament to that. When you write your next poem, try to fall into one less trap then you did in this poem and you'll be making great progress! Also find some poems that really resonate with you and try to pick apart why they resonate with you.

I'll end by re-iterating what mark said and adding to it: this is quite good for a first poem, and don't give up because we've all been where you are!

All the best, and keep writing,
-Em