For Giving

[Mark A Becker]

Hello Tom-

Yep, schmaltzy indeed. Sometimes it's necessary to just pump one out from the heart. And I do so completely without shame.

I appreciate the idea for S.2 so I lifted part of it. (Thanks).

Good eye on the commas, as I either don't punctuate, or over-punctuate.

Thanks for commenting,
... Mark

For Giving

I felt the joy the springtime sun can bring,
the day you gave your heart to me, alone.Churlish of me...but "gave your heart to me"? Hmmmm. Have I heard that before?
You offered me a song that I still sing,
its melody, the dearest gift I own.

When days were young, affection raw, and bare,No comma after "and". Good case for a semi-colon after "bare"
hot pleasures blazed between our souls like fire.
We danced among the flames, without a care,No comma after "flames".
then stoked the coals that grew forever brighter.Over stretched metaphor but I can see why. Try:

When days were young, affection raw and bare,
hot pleasures blazed between our souls like fire.
We danced on glowing embers without care
and watched the flames of love grow ever higher.  

OK...it is only a suggestion, but it came quickly (no pun intemnnded) and could be improved with thought

Tonight, we looked through books of photographs,
we had to smile, at how we looked back then.
Between the pages, notes that made us laugh,
a message written sometime way back when:

a silly old saying that steadily carried us through-
that love is forgiving, makes life worth the living- still true.Lumpy

Hi mark,
Schmatzy...nothing wrong with that You have over comma-ed the thing. See text. Minor nits and some suggestions in text. You skate close to cliches but just manage to slip on by with a swerve. Your poem.
Best,
tectak