Fond of You

[billy]

hi danny,
comments for the edit;

meter. it would really help if you kept a consistent meter
it reads as being a bit wordy.

Out of all who walk the rocky shore you seem the calmest one
You seem the calmest on the rocky shore


it didn't really hold me danny. it feels to drawn out, an easy way to sort out excess wordage apart from cutting away as much of it as you can, a suggestion would be to do smaller vignettes. break it up into 4 short lines of verse. and do as many verse as you have to just a suggestion of course.

I've never felt such warmth as in your reassuring tone,
that you prefer my company to just being alone.
And how exhilarating to find that we had thought the same
in that we have both been wanting to say something for days.

for me the above lines are very weak.  add some spark, something the reader can feel and see.

your warm tone reassures
that you prefer my company to solitude again just a suggestion

your voice reassures...
My company to solitude and just another.

the verse and the meter can be used to good avail but both kill a poem when there's no depth to the words.

Edit 1:
Fond of You
Evening warmth slips over your face as you turn toward the sun.
Out of all who walk the rocky shore you seem the calmest one.
I've never seen anything so gently touched by wind, [beans gave that effect on me] and yes you have you've seen her is [I've never seen anything so] needed would [a] or [the] before [wind] help me to not think of a fart?
parting bangs not stuck with salt or still wet from your swim. no need for [still]
Nor such carefulness between gleaming lumps of stone
as your naked feet step through gliding cotton foam.

Your eyes almost return to the step you had in mind,
but hesitate a moment, then buoyantly rise to mine.
I've never felt such warmth as in your reassuring tone,
that you prefer my company to just being alone.
And how exhilarating to find that we had thought the same
in that we have both been wanting to say something for days.

^ending is boring. Fix later.

I'm sneaking back in here. Looks like the same good site it was last year. Sharing my first serious attempt at rhyming. I could never manage to rhyme without force and unnaturalness. But it seems if done right, the thing actually starts flowing and has a momentum that pulls the reader through. That's pretty special, but I'm not sure I will manage it. Thanks for any feedback.

A few questions I have:
Is anything unclear?
What is the measure of interest to you?

Original:
Fond of You
Evening warmth slips over your face
as you turn toward the sun.
Out of many on the rocky shore
you seem the calmest one.
I've never seen anything
so gently touched by wind,
parting bangs not stuck with salt
or still wet from your swim;
never such carefulness between
gleaming lumps of stone
as your naked feet step in line
through a gliding cotton foam.
Your eyes almost return
to the step you had in mind,
but hang in space for a moment before
buoyantly rising to mine.
I've never felt such fondness
as in seeing your half-wet figure
forget
about adventure.