07-07-2015, 03:14 AM
Where is my Bird?
I can’t find it!
It flew away, along the firth,
Where listless seas meet
And wallow me in.
In Bliss, I cannot tell
The verge of drowning Heaven-
and the mundane of Life.
I took a pigment of shell
And looked for a dead Essence;
O how sweet, redolent and fine!
Hello, ( I'm guessing "Claire" ?) I found Your poem interesting.
Your pice as it stands, is slightly confusing and doesn't quite hold together, though poetry needn't be metered to be of worth it is more easily read with a semblance of it; might I suggest the easiest of metering, "Syllabic verse" - "then accentual-syllabic verse".
A nice phrase,,
I took a pigment of shell
and looked for a dead Essence,
sweet, redolent, and fine.
Obi.
I can’t find it!
It flew away, along the firth,
Where listless seas meet
And wallow me in.
In Bliss, I cannot tell
The verge of drowning Heaven-
and the mundane of Life.
I took a pigment of shell
And looked for a dead Essence;
O how sweet, redolent and fine!
Hello, ( I'm guessing "Claire" ?) I found Your poem interesting.
Your pice as it stands, is slightly confusing and doesn't quite hold together, though poetry needn't be metered to be of worth it is more easily read with a semblance of it; might I suggest the easiest of metering, "Syllabic verse" - "then accentual-syllabic verse".
A nice phrase,,
I took a pigment of shell
and looked for a dead Essence,
sweet, redolent, and fine.
Obi.
