vision caused by an impending lover

[fluorescent.43]

I’ve become too narrow.
Autumn still aches in my rib cage. Nowhere near dying, I'd maybe put a dash here instead of a comma. Just my opinion.
just the illusion of it as peonies bloom in my palm. Don't peonies bloom in the spring? But I like the implication of time passing, although I'm not sure if that's what you meant in this stanza.
Pink, always pink like the first time you saw me,
there is no room here for breathing.

I’ve dissected you.
A thousand tiny white bones. By morning, I’d renamed them all
and assembled them at the back of my throat
so I wouldn’t forget how you sound, Again with the punctuation- I don't know, a comma doesn't seem quite right here. But lovely imagery.
the glossy humming of bees. My favorite stanza! Precisely written imagery that sticks in my head.

I’ve folded you open.
A museum of intricate disasters. All wound and shame
that you cleansed me of. A christening of hands,
and forgiveness that I can believe, Sorry to be nit-picking! I just feel like a mix-up of the comma would improve the flow a bit.
in this heat I am something holy. Love this line.

I’ve taken your eyes.
Brilliant satellites. Burning without resistance,
orbiting above me, so I can dream
in a place where the shadows can’t reach, I've read this stanza so many times now. I have no idea what it means. At all. Not even a vague feeling.
the darkness no longer hypothesis. Not sure what this line means, in terms of syntax.

I’ve rendered you down.
Forgotten what I know about love. An articulation
that has become foreign. I open my mouth to speak,
a million drumming wings swarm, I like the reuse of the bees metaphor here.
escaping from the catch in my throat.

.~*~.
I loved this poem! Honestly, I can't think of much to say except clearing up some of the lines to be more concise and precise with their meaning, especially since the tone of this is so... medical.   Or, as a not-so-strong poet, I just might've missed the whole point of the poem.