07-06-2015, 06:07 AM
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Some suggestions:
For an abstract piece check out Dylan: It's Alright Ma. This song could easily be re-done as a rap masterpiece. But that's not my point-- note the images that he creates eg "from the fool's gold mouthpiece, the hollow horn". Get a feel for what he's doing with the language. Then try to repeat it (and beat your brain against the wall when you realize it ain't so easy, after all).
"She Loves You"- Beatles. The lyrics are elementary at best. Just find three other guys to sing them with and you'll make girls pee themselves. Maybe not. But, then, how did they do it?
Willy Nelson: Why is it that he calls playing in front of an audience like being in church?
The common thread with all three examples is CONNECTION. With an audience of one or one million, the trick, the essence, the "thing"... is the connection. Damn near impossible to predict, but ya know when ya see it.
Being "poetic" with songwriting is very difficult, and many attempts just don't work (because they tend to be obscure, and you lose the audience's attention).
Being abstract can be great. Being obscure is deadly. Your piece, I'm afraid, is the latter.
... Mark
Some suggestions:
For an abstract piece check out Dylan: It's Alright Ma. This song could easily be re-done as a rap masterpiece. But that's not my point-- note the images that he creates eg "from the fool's gold mouthpiece, the hollow horn". Get a feel for what he's doing with the language. Then try to repeat it (and beat your brain against the wall when you realize it ain't so easy, after all).
"She Loves You"- Beatles. The lyrics are elementary at best. Just find three other guys to sing them with and you'll make girls pee themselves. Maybe not. But, then, how did they do it?
Willy Nelson: Why is it that he calls playing in front of an audience like being in church?
The common thread with all three examples is CONNECTION. With an audience of one or one million, the trick, the essence, the "thing"... is the connection. Damn near impossible to predict, but ya know when ya see it.
Being "poetic" with songwriting is very difficult, and many attempts just don't work (because they tend to be obscure, and you lose the audience's attention).
Being abstract can be great. Being obscure is deadly. Your piece, I'm afraid, is the latter.
... Mark