The Death Caps Grow

[Zeno's Bullet]

Hey bullet-

The best way to know if lyrics work is to sing them in front of someone.  That way, you can check the reaction as it happens, and get instant feedback just by asking.

Reading lyrics is quite another thing.  Some of my favorite songs have highly repetitious, very simple  lyrics with a solid hook.  Listen to any pop favorite and you'll see what I mean.  Does that mean I'm advocating pop music, or writing drivel.  NO.  What it means is that some of these songs do get ya tapping your toe.  

Poetry, on the other hand, may get you tapping your head.  Unless performed, poetry won't have the benefit of a 'backing band'.  

Now.  Just reading your lyrics did not get me taping my toes or tapping my head.  It did having me scratching my head.  Example:  
The skyscraper heap
Of metal that weeps
Other than being a forced rhyme, the image does not work for me.  Metal may melt, but does it weep?  C'mon.... even with abstract lyrics, there needs to be a touch of accuracy.  Otherwise, the lyrics are merely confusing, and confusing don't cut gold records.  

Not to brag, but I've written several songs, and performed on stage with any number of musical "configurations".  These lyrics would require way more stage presence than I'd be able to pull off.

Just a note: The previous comment is nothing compared to a live audience.  Especially if you're the sensitive type.  

That's the best I can do Zenos...
... Mark

I appreciate your honesty and feedback, Mark. You at least give me some pointers to work with. I'm used to negative criticism (I've played in several ensembles too). However, I don't condone shallow attacks on my work.

If you're gonna call it shit, you might as well tell me why.