Skin is like paper, revised

[danny_]

Skin is like paper


just thoughts to consider:
Skin is like paper, dry, etched in soft grain. Perhaps 'skin is like paper, etched with soft grain'
Delicate and somehow warm to the touch.
Dressing us in a fine cloth of heavy damask. "heavy" feels a bit heavy.  Maybe it is subtle damask?

Skin is like paper, fragile, supple and lithe. using paper over and over is not necessary. "skin is .." at the most, or perhaps even remove that too.
Torn like butterflies wings, dashed by wind.
Bent and twisted it clings like water in a creek bed. clings like water seems off, since water in a creek generally isn't clinging but flowing. a moving word instead perhaps. unless you meant those times when water catches on a stick in the current and creates a ripple, but that was not very clear.

Skin is like paper, casing, folded and wrapped
Caressing us like broad arms, protective and caring. skin gets caressed, but hardly caresses. i'm thinking 'wrapping us' works better. what you're getting at is good though.
Curving and taught, tailored to the inch in cut and fit.

Skin is like paper, browned and black, blistered and burnt. 
It boils from beneath, living fire giving it life’s touch.
Peeling like ribbon, freed of the vestige of flesh.

Skin is like paper, thin and slight, easily broken
It breaks like a fine china, in pale, slender splinters.
It is dashed like an innocent dream upon the harsh dawn.

Skin is like paper, it carries the tale of times past.
The life of its owner is written in words, pale and mute.
A life of times on a surface, laid bare to one with eyes. skipping down here. don't want to over-comment. but "to one with eyes" isn't necessary. "laid bare" says enough.

I really like what this poem is becoming. Skin is amazing, and it also speaks of the person, which you tied in some at the end.

You compare skin to more than paper, even though that's your title and theme. Because China is not really like paper, neither is a creek. So perhaps this poem is not just about skin being like paper. Or if it is, you may want to stick with just paper-like comparisons. But I do like the comparison to the ripples of a creek.

There's a whole lot of words going on here. It comes across a bit technical because of so many adjective lists I guess. Some of them are good. But we need to simplify I think.

I like where you start touching on the story skin can carry. More could be developed with that.

Perhaps my favorite line: Torn like butterflies wings, dashed by wind.
(come to think of it, "butterfly wings" may be correct)

Keep writing.