07-04-2015, 05:10 AM
Hello,
'My Own Little Wold' resonated with me for a couple of reasons. First, some spiritual leaders profess a 'power of now' as a way of countering the ego voice in the head. The 'nothing in my mind but ...' part is like that voice in the head, and the middle eight lines are the now that is missed because of the voice. Second, I've known a clinical psychologist who would challenge clients to seek the pleasures afforded by the world around them. That's therapy, and the middle lines can be seen to underscore that.
I'm not sure it's necessary to have the lines about the blind man at all. The message could remain without them, but a rewrite of line three would be necessary (such as, 'Today, I walked about the park ...'). Also, some line breaks could be use to emphasize the consuming thoughts.
The four pairs of lines in the middle are wonderful. In general they show that joy can be had without much effort. In particular, those about the busker remind one of the pleasure of making music, which remains even if there's no pay. And that dog, who misses the catch but still goes after the frisbee on the ground, stands in great contrast to the park visitor's lament regarding hopeless ambitions.
Adding another word to the last line would provide more power to the poem. The line could become something like:
Regrettably, I never thought to look.
Many thanks for the post.
Cheers!
'My Own Little Wold' resonated with me for a couple of reasons. First, some spiritual leaders profess a 'power of now' as a way of countering the ego voice in the head. The 'nothing in my mind but ...' part is like that voice in the head, and the middle eight lines are the now that is missed because of the voice. Second, I've known a clinical psychologist who would challenge clients to seek the pleasures afforded by the world around them. That's therapy, and the middle lines can be seen to underscore that.
I'm not sure it's necessary to have the lines about the blind man at all. The message could remain without them, but a rewrite of line three would be necessary (such as, 'Today, I walked about the park ...'). Also, some line breaks could be use to emphasize the consuming thoughts.
The four pairs of lines in the middle are wonderful. In general they show that joy can be had without much effort. In particular, those about the busker remind one of the pleasure of making music, which remains even if there's no pay. And that dog, who misses the catch but still goes after the frisbee on the ground, stands in great contrast to the park visitor's lament regarding hopeless ambitions.
Adding another word to the last line would provide more power to the poem. The line could become something like:
Regrettably, I never thought to look.
Many thanks for the post.
Cheers!