My Own Little World

[jams01752]

I spoke to a blind man on a bench in the park today.
He asked me to describe what was happening around us.

I had just walked about the park for fifteen minutes with nothing on my mind
but the bleakness of my job and relationships, and the hopelessness of my ambitions.

I hadn’t noticed the ducklings in the stream following their mother,
or the family sitting on a flannel blanket delighted by their presence.
I didn’t hear the busker pluck his chords and sing “hallelujah”
while more leaves than coins fell into his guitar case.
I never saw the dog chase after its frisbee, unable to catch it in the air,
pounce upon it on the ground.
I hadn’t seen the teenagers partially hidden in an enclave of trees
sit in a circle, passing around a paper smile, laughing at the wind.



I never thought to look.

Hi,

I do like the ideas in this poem. Primarily that we can sometimes be ignorant to our surroundings when distracted by other thoughts which we find more important and that becoming fixated on these can leave us dense to the truth. The poem has a sort of organic feel to it focusing on nature rather than the man made, this is emphasised through the constant focus on nature and in line 8 with more leaves falling in the busker's case than coins. I like how you used the blind man and his inability to see the world as a comparison to yourself, I found it an effective idea. As for constructive criticism you could possibly change the structure of the poem to give certain parts more impact, possibly shorten the line length and have combine the first and last stanza to make a more more thought provoking ending.